I can easily call myself a recovering perfectionist. For most of my life, I have tried to do my best. But that “best” seemed to have an exceptionally high bar. Either it was performing academically, cleaning the house, organizing an event, being involved in volunteering activity or mothering my children, I wanted to do it “perfectly”. Yes… There was a certain sense of pleasure and reward in carrying out these tasks with such high quality. Lots of recognition, praise, and a feeling of accomplishment. But as I got older, this strive for perfection begun to wear on me. I was drained by the constant pressure to keep up with the high standards I placed on myself. I slowly began to realize that my perfectionism was a way of looking for external validation of my worth. It became clear that I have mistaken perfection for happiness. Exhausted and unfulfilled, I made a decision that things have to change. So has begun the journey of being true to myself rather than being perfect.
As I searched for answers, I learned that perfectionism may be a response to experiencing excessive criticism or neglect in childhood. This type of criticism develops a major emotional wound of not feeling good enough. By striving for constant perfection, we are trying to prove that we are worthy of love and approval we so desperately need. However, it is a losing battle cause perfection is unattainable! But what is instead?
In order to leave perfectionism behind, I would like to suggest starting with self-acceptance, self-compassion, and joy! If we accept ourselves just as we are with all our imperfections we realize that we have always been good enough and worthy enough.
Perfectionism used to stop me from doing things. It was crippling. It was the root of my procrastination and a killer of my creativity. I would spin in place, refining or preparing forever and never even taking the first step. Because of that, many of my projects have never manifested. But today I know better… I know that in order to fight perfectionism is to take one tiny imperfect step at a time! Done is better than perfect. Is it scary? Yes! Is it easy? No! It takes practice but it is so worth it!
These days I will take joy, self-expression, and connection over perfection. Life seems so much lighter and meaningful this way! I breathe deeper and smile wider every day. And yes, I enjoy the journey rather than the destination, the process rather than the final product. I wish the same for you. Let go of your perfectionism and let in your joy and peace!